Worst. Birthday. Ever.

Slightly over-dramatic I admit, but it's definitely one of the top 5.  Which really makes me sad.

I made plans.  I thought they would be fun.  Dinner with friends and then roller skating.  I can't skate...it's been years but that wasn't the point.  The point was to go out and have fun and spend time with friends.

Dinner was pleasant.  Eight friends showed up and we enjoyed dinner.  Yet...I still felt isolated.  Perhaps it was the fact that we weren't all at one table and separate ones (even though they were close together).  I still felt like I always do...an observer on the outside looking in.  While we were there, I had 4 friends text and say they couldn't come because of one reason or another.

After dinner, the leech and I went and picked up some groceries.  When we came home we saw that V had come home early from work which made me happy because that meant she could go skating with me....but she said she doesn't skate so she wouldn't go.

Okay, I know that she and I agreed to go to lunch tomorrow but I couldn't help but feel extremely let down and hurt.  It's not just her, it's every other person who was invited but didn't go because they "don't skate".  Forgive me for thinking that this party was about me and not you.  It made me cry.  Why the fuck am I crying on my birthday?

I wanted to hide in my room but the leech and I went skating anyway because that's what I wanted to do and there might have been someone who decided to show up....I should have stayed home.  Not only didn't anyone show up but the leech fell twice and hurt his butt and even though he can't skate a lick and was hurting himself he didn't want to quit because he didn't want to ruin my birthday.  I told him it was okay because I couldn't have fun if he wasn't enjoying him self.  He cried because he thought he'd ruined my birthday.  It made me cry.  My son was the only one who understood the importance of my birthday to me.

We went to McDonald's and got sundae's, rented a movie, and are watching it in my room right now.

I hate holidays.  They're not important.  Valentine's Day, Christmas, New Year's, Halloween...they're all just another day to me.  Birthdays are the most important days to me.  They celebrate the miracle of life.  I might be complacent about a lot of things, but damnit I enjoy birthdays.  Or at least I should.  Not so much today.

I felt insignificant and unappreciated.  I plan on spending the rest of the weekend with my phone off and hiding in my room.  I don't even want to go to lunch with anyone.

Where you are is just where you're supposed to be...I promise.

Today's sermon was special to me because John talked about helping others who had less than you. It's, of course, right in the holiday spirit..but it's not just about that one moment of the year. It's about taking care of each other throughout the entire year. I also think I've decided where I want to start my activism...now if only I can get John to tell me who I need to talk to about it lol.

I also found a new favorite singer, Susan Werner thanks to John. He's got a song of her's on his blog with today's sermon. Love it.

Other than that, what's been going on? I've been avoiding the unavoidable. Finals are tomorrow and what have I been doing all weekend? Everything but study *sigh*. I'm terrible about this. I'll just wait till tomorrow and cram it all in. That always works right? No...but I still haven't learned yet. Oh well, for better or worse, the majority of it will be over tomorrow. Then I just have to spend Tuesday finishing up my take-home. Oh, and I'm wearing my pj's to my final tomorrow at 8am ... ugh!

I really felt the need to write something...well...more, I guess. More inspirational. More deep. More thought provoking. But I'm failing at that as well. So I s'pose I'll go tweeze my other eyebrow, watch a show on Hulu, and hopefully get to sleep early enough that I can wake up around 6 and eat breakfast/cram a little before the final.

I do hope everyone's had a good weekend.

Meowser

It's early right now...well, comparatively speaking...it's actually getting close to bed time. I hope I dream about unknown gremlins.

I thought I had a gremlin because I wanted there to be one. In fact, it was my son who was the gremlin but I went all day thinking I had a poltergeist because I didn't ask if he did it until later this evening.

Which begs the question....why do we try so hard to keep our reality in tact? My reality this morning was simple. I took my clothes off, dropped them on the bathroom floor and then got in the shower. When I got out, my shirt was gone. I knew 2 things at that moment and they created my reality. 1) My son was asleep - and it's just the two of us here. 2) I had had previous feelings of being watched in my apartment - nothing creepy, just an acknowledgment of what I felt was another presence.

I went through the day with my slice of reality, telling all who would listen this wonderful story with excitement and wonderment. When asked if my son moved it I replied negatively because I knew he was asleep (without having asked him this). I also pointed out fervently point number 2 above. These two small little things only served to excite my listeners and bring on tales of personal hauntings or poltergeists they'd seen/felt. The first point probably would have been enough to engage my listeners, but I've always had a flair for the dramatic.....and the ability to talk endlessly about the same thing.

Later today I find out, by simply asking my son if he moved my shirt, that yes he had moved it and it was in fact not anything supernatural - unless you want to wonder why he just took my shirt and not the rest of my clothes.....

I have a need...driving me to distraction at times....to turn the ordinary into something more. I'm never satisfied with just being enough, ordinary, normal, the same. Even unique isn't unique enough for me. I have to be the top dawg....the queen kitten....the maverick.....but I lack the creativity. So my reality stays as it is. Supremely normal with a lot of love, laughter, quirks, and drama of my own making.