Worst. Birthday. Ever.

Slightly over-dramatic I admit, but it's definitely one of the top 5.  Which really makes me sad.

I made plans.  I thought they would be fun.  Dinner with friends and then roller skating.  I can't skate...it's been years but that wasn't the point.  The point was to go out and have fun and spend time with friends.

Dinner was pleasant.  Eight friends showed up and we enjoyed dinner.  Yet...I still felt isolated.  Perhaps it was the fact that we weren't all at one table and separate ones (even though they were close together).  I still felt like I always do...an observer on the outside looking in.  While we were there, I had 4 friends text and say they couldn't come because of one reason or another.

After dinner, the leech and I went and picked up some groceries.  When we came home we saw that V had come home early from work which made me happy because that meant she could go skating with me....but she said she doesn't skate so she wouldn't go.

Okay, I know that she and I agreed to go to lunch tomorrow but I couldn't help but feel extremely let down and hurt.  It's not just her, it's every other person who was invited but didn't go because they "don't skate".  Forgive me for thinking that this party was about me and not you.  It made me cry.  Why the fuck am I crying on my birthday?

I wanted to hide in my room but the leech and I went skating anyway because that's what I wanted to do and there might have been someone who decided to show up....I should have stayed home.  Not only didn't anyone show up but the leech fell twice and hurt his butt and even though he can't skate a lick and was hurting himself he didn't want to quit because he didn't want to ruin my birthday.  I told him it was okay because I couldn't have fun if he wasn't enjoying him self.  He cried because he thought he'd ruined my birthday.  It made me cry.  My son was the only one who understood the importance of my birthday to me.

We went to McDonald's and got sundae's, rented a movie, and are watching it in my room right now.

I hate holidays.  They're not important.  Valentine's Day, Christmas, New Year's, Halloween...they're all just another day to me.  Birthdays are the most important days to me.  They celebrate the miracle of life.  I might be complacent about a lot of things, but damnit I enjoy birthdays.  Or at least I should.  Not so much today.

I felt insignificant and unappreciated.  I plan on spending the rest of the weekend with my phone off and hiding in my room.  I don't even want to go to lunch with anyone.

Today

Today was pretty good I think.  Even though I almost had a meltdown.

I almost cried in my Physics lab.  It was stupid and I think my hormones must be raging.  Kinda hard to tell when you don't bleed anymore.

So I'm sitting there, in the dark cause we're doing an optics lab, and I'm writing really slow.  It was a quick lab, I should have been out of there in 30 minutes but for some reason my brain just didn't want to keep up with the guys.  We have a new lab partner and when I asked a question she explained it to me.  5 minutes later, I'm asking the same question.  I felt stupid but, bless her heart, she didn't seem frustrated with me at all and continued to try and explain it to me.

I was getting so flipping frustrated with myself because it should have been really easy.  I mean, I've done this stuff before but it just wasn't registering with me.  I felt my eyes start to water and just pretended I understood so we could move on.  Thankfully, Michael is extremely patient with me and understands what I need so he just wrote the equations down for me and I copied them.  Then he stayed another 10 or 15 minutes after to help me finish getting my data and catching up ... after our other 2 lab partners had left.  I love him.  I'm so sad that we won't have any more classes together anymore.

Then I go to financial aide to make sure I'm going to get money to go to school this summer.  Well I am...but it's not even enough to pay for my 2 classes that I'm signed up for.  So I have to come up with about $500 to pay for classes plus my summer rent...because I found out that I can't get out of my housing contract until August.  So not only do I have to find a job that will pay me enough to pay for all of this while working part time and also working with my schedule when I start my research internship in June but I have to figure out how we're going to get Victoria into the apartment in June without me being able to help out.

I'm sure we could wait till August, but the manager said she wasn't sure any apartments would be open in August for us.  They have one opening in June and we were going to take that one....until all these things got thrown up in my face.

On the plus side!  I got to help the leech with his science fair project.  He's measuring the distance a Hot Wheels car slides on different surfaces (wood floor, carpet, cement, grass) when released from a ramp.  We did the wood floor and carpet tonight.  I think we'll have to redo the carpet at Victoria's though, just so I can get a better picture.  The outside distances we'll do hopefully tomorrow or Friday when it dries up outside.  Can you believe we had HAIL today?!  It's crazy.

I managed to type up a list of definitions for my Numerical Linear Algebra final in LaTex.  Which was kinda fun to figure out.  I also met with my research professor today and we discussed our summer schedule and my next step to writing my article.

We won our first softball game yesterday (that's me, #13!).  It was pretty exciting! It was officially 13-9, but we actually had 16.  Someone in the score-box screwed up.  I'm not complaining at all...I just like to be correct.  We went out to Dairy Queen afterwords.  It was a lot of fun and I can't wait for next week's game!  Maybe I'll actually catch the balls that come my way lol.  I dropped the 2 that did yesterday.  It was a bit frustrating.

I know my blog isn't read by many...but if you would do me a favor and say a little prayer for me that everything works out without much trouble.  I'd really appreciate it.