DINKLEBURG!!!!

Apparently we're blaming all of our troubles on him for the next week or so.  For example:  "I have a test in 45 minutes and instead of studying I'm surfing the interwebs....DINKLEBURG!!!!"

Other than that, there's been a lot going on.  I feel, once again, that I have to step up and do other people's jobs and I hate it.  I know there are other people who could be doing this...like the person who's job it is to do it.  I'm not going to go on more about it right now...what I keep reminding myself is that I only have 2.5 more months before I graduate (dear Lord, is it really that short amount of time!?  This is the first time I actually counted the months *sweat*) and then I'll (hopefully) be a grad student and alumni and won't have all these responsibilities on my shoulders...they'll belong to someone else...right?

And now I have 15 minutes before my exam...where did the time go???  Ugh, time to leave you.

Shhh. I'm joining the ninja choir.

We have to harmonize in silence. So shush.

LOL, I love Sleep Talkin' Man....he makes me giggle.

I'm sitting on the couch of a friend that I haven't seen in 12 years.  I miss her...and I miss Louisiana.  I'm actually talking to her about moving back down.  Tomorrow I'm going to spend the night with my sister and see her for the first time in a year.  I miss my nieces so much.

I totally cut the first day of class yesterday just so I can be down here for the weekend.  I had to look over the curriculum online for my 4 classes and I freaked a little.  Here I thought that my final semester was going to be easy.  One class requires a 20 page paper.  One class requires 2 projects and 5 labs, and one class requires another paper.  I'm a math major...I shouldn't have to be writing!!!

Ugh, but I have to say...I'm really excited about this semester.  In May, I graduate....and I have no idea what I'm going to do.  I'm looking for a civil service job to jump into but in the meantime I want to look into substitute teaching for now so I can get some supplemental income.

I'm exhausted.  I really should write more.  I will, I hope.

Vulnerable

I don't know how.  Wouldn't it be perfect that that's what I've been missing all this time?  It seems like desperation to me.  "Look at me.  Love me.  I can't live without your approval."  I'm sorry but I know the world doesn't revolve around me.

Am I scared?  Petrified even.  I won't show you though.  I don't know how to let anyone in that much.  Vulnerability is a feminine trait.  Does it make me less desirable because I don't need your validation?

And even now, I can't find the words to express what I feel.  I hate this because I'm probably just being selfish anyway.

Please don't tell my mother!

It's 2:30am, finals start in less than 6 hours, I'm not in bed yet and I haven't studied. She'd be terribly disappointed.

Thanks.

Look...a post...

and it's not on a fence...

I'm not big on the whole blogging thing...I can go weeks and months without putting anything down. I'm not a fan of words. Which actually kinda sucks since we need them to talk...who knew?? I feel....lost...like I'm walking around in a cloud that's keeping me from my daily life. I should have been studying all day but I only found enough motivation to get my book and notes together and stack them neatly in a pile. Yesterday I had someone to talk to, and a book to read, and a plan to spend today studying...today, I have nothing but a deep sadness and a unsettling feeling of being so very alone. I hate it.

Ok, I need to stop being so damned pitiful...I'm going to try to study now. Not that you care or anything, right?