Why is it...

...that whenever I open up this silly new post window, everything I've wanted to say ends up flying out the window???

Maybe because my brain can't function under extreme exhaustion.

To bed with me.  Tomorrow is a long day.  Another doctor appointment - this time to have a growth removed, a lunch date with an old friend, and then I need to start working on my papers that are due next week and get ready for tomorrow's class.

Oh, did I forget to mention that I graduated?  Yeah, I did.  It was pretty awesome.  My family all came in from across the US just to see me finally graduate.  Only took 10 years but that chapter of my life is over.  I ended up 2 classes short of a Statistics degree so I had to settle for a General Studies degree.  I also didn't get into the Biostatistics program that I wanted but as a last minute entry, I was conditionally accepted into the Master of Arts in Liberal Studies program.  Yay me!  I only have to get at least a B in all 3 of the classes I'm taking this semester and see the writing tutor for every writing assignment I have (which is one a week thanks to my Juvenile Justice class).

Things aren't so bad so far.  The only exam I have is 1 midterm, but there are a lot of papers to write and we all know I haven't the foggiest idea how to do those.  I'll be okay though, I just need to figure out how to do this.

Anywho, gotta hit the bed.  I just wanted to at least get in an update.

Here's a really cool random photo for you.

ADELE - 'Make You Feel My Love'

There is no other way for me to express how I feel about my children...but this comes pretty damned close.

It's almost done

I have 19 days left until graduation....but I'm so exhausted that I just don't care.  I really feel bad for not keeping my multitude of fans updated on my life but you know how it is.  Hopefully things will be a little less hectic after graduation.

So here's a bit of an update...sorry it won't be much but I'm really exhausted and I still haven't studied for my exam tomorrow.

Softball season started again.  I know you're excited because I am too!  Grabbed my shirt today and it's a red shirt with dark blue letters.  Pictures will be posted as I get them.  The games start next Monday.

I turned in my Capstone project, all 24+ pages of it, today (two weeks early!) so I'm done with that class and I only have 2 presentations, another 20 page paper, 2 exams, and 2 finals left to do....but who's counting?

I've decided that I'm going to home school the leech next year and at the moment he's not exactly thrilled about it.  He's stuck on the (incorrect) fact that he'll never see his friends again.  My bird may be coming home this summer to spend the school year with me again, which means I'll home school him as well.  This paragraph will require a whole other blog post .... just not right now.

I must be more tired then I thought because I can't think of anything else that is even remotely important.  Give me 20 days and I'll fill you in again...lol?

Just a thought...

Lunch Time

Soybean Humour

Okay so I did a little experiment with lunch today.  I got some soy burgers yesterday at Earth Fare and warmed one up today.  I added tomatoes, lettuce, brocco sprouts, dijonaise, and some vegan sliced cheese.  The result was okay.  I think it would have been better on a different type of bread (I just used a regular sliced wheat bread) but the biggest thing is that I've decided I'm not a fan of the vegan sliced cheese.  Maybe I'll try the Rice sliced cheese next time...or maybe I'll just give up on sliced cheese all together, I don't really need it.  Also, soy burgers are going to take a bit of getting used to.

The coolest thing ever!

Is not dried banana chips....sorry, I just don't like them!

I did just stumble upon this site while between blog posts.  It's the neatest thing!  You can turn your blog into a book!!  It's called...wait for it...Blog2Print!

Okay, I've got that out of my system...now onto the real reason for the post...DINNER!

Doesn't exactly look like the recipe pictures did but it tasted pretty good.  The red stuff in the bottom left is frozen raspberries that I defrosted at the last minute because the couscous was a total bust.  I'm not sure why because I've never cooked it before but I'm pretty sure I didn't let the water boil hard enough.  I'm going to try again because I'm determined to eat it one day!  Oh yeah, a couple other alterations I made the the recipes.  I used honey on the carrots instead of maple syrup because I didn't have enough syrup and the asparagus has a touch of garlic and a bit of lemon juice (instead of just the lemon wedge required in the recipe).

After dinner I ate a very small bowl of vanilla bean gellato - like only 1/2 a cup.  I really shouldn't have because I'd done so well today with eating no dairy but I managed to find a pint of it at Earth Fare and I had a coupon.  Besides, I won't eat it often and I'll probably let the leech have some as a special treat tomorrow.  Speaking of the leech, he ate up those carrots...asked for 3 helpings!

Ooooh!  The Symphony is tomorrow...I can't wait!!!

Get the Funk Out!

Okay, so I have a confession to make....I've been a bit of an ass.  There was a huge misunderstanding that included me, my mother, and my sister...and it ended up with me getting upset over virtually nothing and probably upsetting my sister, definitely (and unnecessarily) calling her loyalties into question.  I really shouldn't have said anything.  I should have realized that what I was being told was out of context and over a year old...but in my mind my mother is infallible.  It's a flaw of mine that I should work on.

Anyway, within this conversation was imbeded my remark about how I honestly don't care what people think about me.  I'm who I am and I'm not going to change that just because I make you uncomfortable.  If you can't accept me then you can just "get the funk out".  Which led me to my most current theme song, aptly entitled Get the Funk Out.

I loved Extreme when I was in high school...and I mean really, who doesn't enjoy a couple of good looking men without their shirts on? :)




The above song is probably not very popular.  I'm not exactly sure they got the kind of fame that I wished for them; however, here is a song that you may have heard.  Enjoy!

100 things about me

1. I'm broke.
2. I love numbers more than people.
3. I'm a world class procrastinator.
4. I have the best friends ever.
5. My boys give me a passion for life.
6. My oldest son has saved my life.
7. I should have been born in the 50's (or the 20's).
8. I don't read books...I inhale them.
9. My brain is swiss cheese.
10. Because of #9, my memory is non-existent.
11. I'd rather be a ruler of some far away island.
12. I'm already running out of things to say.
13. I wish the room I'm in had a bathroom.
14. I'm epically AWESOME!
15. I have no words for how proud I am to be a member of Phi Sigma Pi.
16. I'm always right but no one listens.
17. I'm halfway to 70 now!
18. I'm allergic to dairy products.
19. I often wonder if I could kill someone and when I think about it I doubt that it would bother me.
20. I'm a little bit psychotic. ;)
21. I'm great at compartmentalizing.
22. I tried really hard to be an alcoholic but failed miserably.
23. Everyone thinks I'm a lesbian but I'm not...which is why I'm still single. *sigh*
24. I hate talking on the phone.
25. I hate people who don't shut up once they get you on the phone.
26. I hate liars.
27. I refuse to lie.
28. I'm the biggest rule-follower that you'll ever meet.
29. I call Public Safety all the time whenever I see someone smoking on campus...even if they're my friend.
30. My balance is so bad that I can't bend over to take my socks off, I have to moonwalk out of them.
31. #30 was featured on Post Secret's Twitter.
32. I wish Tennessee was flatter so I could ride my bike everywhere.
33. I'm glad I live in Tennessee because the mountains are gorgeous.
34. I forgive easily.
35. I doubt myself constantly.
36. I struggle every day to overcome my laziness.
37. I literally can sleep all day long.
38. I have a weird form of insomnia where it is difficult for me to fall asleep but once I do I have an even harder time waking up.
39. #38 got me in trouble a lot in the ARMY.
40. I'm surprised I made it this far.
41. I'm extremely socially awkward and probably wouldn't have many friends if I didn't have a computer.
42. I've always wanted the Irish Barbie from the Barbies of the World Collection.
43. I collect dragons but haven't gotten any in a few years.
44. I'm thinking about publishing both of the papers I'm writing this semester.
45. I have no confidence in my writing ability.
46. I actually write very well.
47. I have a mild form of Prosopagnosia http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prosopagnosia.
48. My mother has a severe form of Prosopagnosia.
49. I miss my Devon so much that I can't let myself think about it or I wouldn't be able to function.
50. The only celebrity I've ever had a "crush" on was Will Wheaton back when he was Wesley Crusher. 
51. I actually wrote to Will and got a generic autographed photo.
52. My mother thinks I was having sex at age 16.
53. I didn't start having sex until I was 18.
54. I worry sometimes that I'm just existing and not actually living.
55. I have control issues (but you knew that).
56. My earliest memory is 5th grade.
57. I'm worried about what may have happened before 5th grade to make me forget.
58. I have a few vague memories of when I was 8 or 9 but nothing else before then. (that's around 3rd grade)
59. I'm afraid of what could be in the dark.
60. I remember the weirdest things.
61. I'm REALLY surprised I made it this far...did you?
62. I hate it when people beat around the bush or don't tell you something because they don't want to hurt your feelings.
63. I'd rather know than not.
64. It really bothers me when people don't like me ... until I understand why and then I can let it go.
65. I don't watch the news...at all.
66. I didn't know where Egypt was until Fox News screwed it up.
67. I wish I could play guitar.
68. Being a Lesbian is on my Bucket List...but only so I can tell my mom "yes" next time she asks if I'm a lesbian.
69. My mom asks me if I'm a lesbian, every time she sees me.
70. I get frustrated that people can't just read my mind and make me have to actually explain things.
71. I'm concerned I might have early onset Alzheimer's. 
72. I stutter.
73. I'd rather sit at home and watch a movie instead of going out.
74. I love to dance but I never do it anymore.
75. I want to go to an Opera.
76. I can't believe you're still reading!
77. My vocabulary isn't as large as it used to be.
78. My vocabulary is so large that I don't know what half the words I know mean...but I can use them correctly in a sentence.
79. I have anger issues because of the way I grew up.
80. I refuse to hit my kids anymore because I'm afraid of going to far.
81. I'm going deaf.
82. I should learn sign-language.
83. I wish I had the Hulk's super jump power.
84. I could really use another cup of tea.
85. I walk around with numb toes because I have poor circulation in my legs.
86. I bruise easy.
87. I have chronic Costochondritis http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Costochondritis.
88. I'm really running out of things to say now.
89. I hate describing myself.
90. Wooo I'm almost done!
91. I hate that America always tries to help other countries when we have more than enough problems to deal with here.
92. I've been homeless.
93. I know what it means to be truly hungry.
94. If I won a million dollars I'd start up a program to help children of the "working poor" all over the Nation.
95. I'm slightly color blind - I can't tell the difference in shades and hues of the same color.
96. I have verbal diarrhea sometimes.
97. I think making out in class is extremely tacky and rude and you should be kicked out for it.
98. I just skipped to #100 to fill it out.
99. I'm kinda sad this is over because now I have to go back to work...
100. I have beautiful gonorrhea - my professor said so!

Dinner tomorrow...or maybe Sunday night!

I'm in the mood to experiment...and I have a ton of food in my cabinets that I need to use up.  I have this nifty gadget in my iGoogle homepage that lets me input what ingredients I have and it finds recipes for me and through this amazing tool, I've decided I'm going to make this! (Click for the recipes)

Oregano-Lemon Chicken

Roasted Asparagus

    

Maple-Glazed Carrots

and Couscous with Cilantro

All of it seems super easy to make and it's all within my dietary restrictions - with the exception of a little bit of butter because I couldn't see the point in throwing (or giving) away the ginormous tub of butter I already had. Once that's gone though, I'm sticking with margarine.

Speaking of being within budget.  This is a great book for those of us who want to eat healthy and not spend an arm and a leg, and you can get it cheap at Amazon.com!


I'll let you know how the dinner goes and maybe even try and take some pictures of it on my phone.  Fair warning though, the pictures will be extremely low quality.  Maybe one day I'll get another camera.

Unplugging!!!

So I'm seriously thinking about deleting my Facebook account.  I know, I know...it's sheer lunacy!  But I really am thinking about it.  I mean, I barely play any of the games anymore.  Here's what I use Facebook for (and how I can replace it):

• Chatting with friends (Yahoo!/Skype)
• Uploading photos (Photobucket/yFrog/Here)
• Updating statuses/Sharing gems of wisdom/informing everyone how I've just recently embarrassed my children (Blog)

So you see...Oh, and I can still use my emails and forums for things if I need to....I really don't need Facebook anymore.

What do you think??

Please take the cow out of my milk

Oh yes you heard me.  I'm starting to eliminate dairy from my diet for health reasons.  It's going pretty good I think.  My biggest concern wasn't that I couldn't physically do it, it was that I was afraid I'd hate everything that was a dairy replacement.  I have to say, I used soy yogurt, rice cheese, and a non-dairy sour cream all in the same meal and it was absolutely delicious!

I'm actually looking forward to seeing how close I can follow my new food preference tomorrow. It's going to be a little difficult because I'm on campus all day tomorrow but I'm leaving my debit card at home (my bank account is already cheering) and I've already packed my lunch (over stuffed the bag as usual!) so I should be okay.

I'm exhausted though so I think I'll go to bed early.

While we're on the subject...

I'm really glad that you're happy with him...I really am....but I'm starting to feel like you don't give a shit about me anymore.  It seems like every time I try to spend time with you I get brushed off.  On the off chance that we do do something together I don't feel like you're all there with me and you always put a time limit on it because you have to get back to him.    I shouldn't have to adjust my schedule around your boyfriend and I really don't appreciate it anymore.

I miss my friend.

Worst. Birthday. Ever.

Slightly over-dramatic I admit, but it's definitely one of the top 5.  Which really makes me sad.

I made plans.  I thought they would be fun.  Dinner with friends and then roller skating.  I can't skate...it's been years but that wasn't the point.  The point was to go out and have fun and spend time with friends.

Dinner was pleasant.  Eight friends showed up and we enjoyed dinner.  Yet...I still felt isolated.  Perhaps it was the fact that we weren't all at one table and separate ones (even though they were close together).  I still felt like I always do...an observer on the outside looking in.  While we were there, I had 4 friends text and say they couldn't come because of one reason or another.

After dinner, the leech and I went and picked up some groceries.  When we came home we saw that V had come home early from work which made me happy because that meant she could go skating with me....but she said she doesn't skate so she wouldn't go.

Okay, I know that she and I agreed to go to lunch tomorrow but I couldn't help but feel extremely let down and hurt.  It's not just her, it's every other person who was invited but didn't go because they "don't skate".  Forgive me for thinking that this party was about me and not you.  It made me cry.  Why the fuck am I crying on my birthday?

I wanted to hide in my room but the leech and I went skating anyway because that's what I wanted to do and there might have been someone who decided to show up....I should have stayed home.  Not only didn't anyone show up but the leech fell twice and hurt his butt and even though he can't skate a lick and was hurting himself he didn't want to quit because he didn't want to ruin my birthday.  I told him it was okay because I couldn't have fun if he wasn't enjoying him self.  He cried because he thought he'd ruined my birthday.  It made me cry.  My son was the only one who understood the importance of my birthday to me.

We went to McDonald's and got sundae's, rented a movie, and are watching it in my room right now.

I hate holidays.  They're not important.  Valentine's Day, Christmas, New Year's, Halloween...they're all just another day to me.  Birthdays are the most important days to me.  They celebrate the miracle of life.  I might be complacent about a lot of things, but damnit I enjoy birthdays.  Or at least I should.  Not so much today.

I felt insignificant and unappreciated.  I plan on spending the rest of the weekend with my phone off and hiding in my room.  I don't even want to go to lunch with anyone.

Reflections of the last 35 years

So in 9 days I'll officially be halfway to 70 and I figured that I'd leave some sage advice for my younger friends.

• You remember that movie, He's Just Not That Into You?  While it was a wonderfully cute, feel-good movie , the message is still there and for God's sake, listen!
• "So trust me when I say if a guy is treating you like he doesn't give a shit, he genuinely doesn't give a shit. No exceptions."
• "If a guy wants to be with a girl, he will make it happen, no matter what."

• Stop whining about how you can never meet the right person.  You attract what you believe yourself to be.  If you have low self-esteem, you're going to attract people who take advantage of that.  I don't care how nice of a guy you are, if you don't believe that you deserve the love of a good woman, all you're going to attract are mental cases and you're going to end up alone.

• We're all users. Every relationship is based on how much we use the other person.  In healthy relationships the is an equal amount of give and take.  All parties are in agreement in what they allow the other person to use them for.  Case in point:
• Husband and Stay-At-Home-Mom.  Wife uses husband for security in the form of money, shelter, insurance, etc..  Husband uses wife to keep house clean, look after kids, socialization with the neighbors that he may not normally be able to do, a pretty face on his arm at the bosses dinner.  They both use each other for sex and emotional comforting.

• Life is a hard uphill ride with lots of rocks and other varying degrees of obstacles.  You can either sit it out and bitch about how you can't get around that particular bullshit in your path at the moment or you can stfu and get over it.  Realize that you're not the only one who suffers.  And hey, guess what?  Your shit isn't near as bad as the person next to you and I guarantee that they bear their burdens quietly.

• You can't fix stupid.  I've tried.  Don't bother.  Just ignore it.

• It doesn't matter if God exists or not.  No one can prove or disprove it.  Oh sure, they can "kind of" prove or disprove it, but there's nothing out there 100% saying there is or isn't a God.  I mean, short of God him(her)self coming down and calling us all imbeciles for doubting, I doubt we can ever really know the truth of God's existence.  That's the point though.  Faith isn't about proof...it's about believing in the possibility of something.  If you take away someone's faith, you take away their hope and without hope we're nothing but empty shells walking around polluting the Earth.

• It takes an enormous amount of courage to get out of bed every day to face the unknown.  Sure there might be things in your life that are 'normal' and happen every day.  Like kissing your kids good morning or having your morning coffee with your significant other, or even that fight with your husband because yet again he left the toilet seat up last night and when you got up in the middle of the night to pee, you sat down on the toilet without checking.  Ignoring the things that you know will happen...what if today is the day that you find out you have cancer?  What if today your child falls out of the tree and breaks a bone?  What if today you find out that your wife of the last 25 years, whom you love more than life itself, was cheating on you....and gave you H.I.V.?  What if today you lose your job?  What if today is the day you get addicted to cocaine?  What if...God forbid...today is the day you fall in love?

• Self-help books are great...but they only tell you what you already know.  Use common sense.  Listen to your parents.  Have faith in yourself.  Trust in your body.  Surround yourself with people who truly love and respect you.

• I don't care what you've been told...there are ugly babies.  

• Don't lie.  It makes you ugly, it hurts people, and it's a complete waste of time.  Along these same lines, don't steal.  You don't need anything you can't get on your own.  If there is, by some chance, something you need that you can't get ... ask for it.  We're so afraid of rejection that we'd rather be seen as thieves and liars instead of an honest people who just need a bit of help.

• Stop dwelling on things.  It won't do anything but give you an ulcer and prevent you from living your life.  Quite frankly, it might also be the reason you're alone.  

• Practice good personal hygiene.  I promise, no one wants to smell your halitosis breath. If you're going to be giving hugs to short people.  Please don't stick their face in your armpits, even if you use deodorant (but please still use deodorant!!!).

• Get your priorities straight.  Nothing in life...I mean nothing...is more important than family.  Not your job, not your education, not the computer, not video games, not your high-tech cell phone.  Nothing.  

• Get over the stupid shit.  God don't like ugly.

• Mental Illness is not something that people choose to have.  It can be debilitating not only to the person who has it but also to their family and friends.  It's not contagious so stop being an ass about it.

• Being gay isn't contagious either.  Just because someone is gay doesn't mean they want to have sex with you...nor does it make them a pedophile.  Stop being an ass.

• Being an ass is contagious.  So stop.

• Sex is natural and healthy and fun.  Oh Lord, yes...sex is fun.  It's also nothing like you see on T.V. or in pornos (trust me, I've seen a lot).  It's loud and messy and can even be uncomfortable depending on where you're at or what position you're currently in.  Your legs and arms get tired.  You sweat.  Your body makes noises that you would normally be really embarrassed about.  Contrary to popular belief, you don't have to have a marathon session.  10-20 minutes is good.  Having sex for more than 20 minutes is like running a marathon...with leg weights...and an ax murderer chasing after you.  It's just not natural!

• There is a difference between making love, having sex, and fucking and you can do all three in the same session.  They're all healthy and normal and doing one more than the others is fine...as long as all parties agree.

• Be happy with who you are.  Experiment.  Live.  Love.  Laugh.  Learn from your mistakes.  Grow.

• Use your words.  Communication is one of the most valuable tools in this life.  Figure out how to do it properly.

• The most precious gift you can give to someone is your time.

• You don't get to choose who you love, or how many you love.  Just be grateful for being able to feel it.

• The holy trinity of healthy relationships:  Trust, Honesty, Respect.

• Our kids are smarter than we give them credit for.  We should stop talking at them and start listening to them.

One more thing....

Suck it.