My dear sweet Coraline...

....you really know how to blow, tho it's too bad you don't swallow...I might actually have gotten my money's worth.

I can't really complain since the wives and kid enjoyed it. Oh the things one does to keep your significant others happy....

What have you done lately??

Masturbation

so why is it that it feels better when you're sick/intoxicated or otherwise not feeling normal?

I think I masturbate more when I'm sick than I do the rest of the year....

I'll be in my bunk.

Things to do at work..

I'm a very private person when it comes to sex...do it in the privacy of your own home and all that jazz, well at least not on video or anything.

There's this thing that's been on my mind for awhile now...and I'm really wanting to try it, but I'm too much of a chicken lol.

I wanna have sex at work. Not just boring ol' on the desk sex. I'm talking, up against the glass windows so that the blinds get squished and everyone outside can see your hand ride up my thigh and under my skirt, take a few steps to the next wall and pin me too it so close that I have to breathe through your mouth, rip my top open so buttons go flying as you push me down on top of the desk and frantically pushing things away so I don't get stabbed with scissors, fuck me so hard I can't be quiet and your boss walks in on us but can't do anything but stand there and stare while the rest of the office is looking over his shoulder.

That's the kinda sex I want....just thought I'd throw that out there

Something....maybe?

i'm tired...and sore...and hungry...and worn to the bone with weariness...wishing i was a little more selfish...oh wait...i am he said...irrationally...what does that mean...show me the numbers...here let me throw them up in your face for you....you see the curve of this two...the hard lines of this seven...that's my heart...on my sleeve...the fullness of this eight...my love...the sharp corners of that four...you...and all with downward motion...wont let my love settle and i'm not skilled enough to sink it in your trenches....to over flow you into a nine...so give me that pencil...i need the eraser to fix me...to change my lines into something you'll like better...excuse me while i bleed tears...

Cardboard Smiles

stay awake for me...leave your eyes open...let's find this moment together....leave her at the door...i'll put my doubts and fears in her pocket for safe keeping...this is what matters...you...me...maybe one day i'll start to believe i matter to someone....would you mind helping me tonight....maybe it's just me...maybe i'm the flawed one...maybe I shouldn't have used the mask on the back of the cereal box..they never last long in the rain...

The stark white walls of my mind

so i'm staring around the room and it's full of people. you're here somewhere. i'm sure of it. you have to be. my heart wouldn't lie to me...would it? trying to walk through life but no one moves out of the way. guess this is what invisible feels like. the air so thick. laughter travels slowly across the street. thought i heard your voice. thought i smelled you. thought your heart was calling to me. i see your hand. reaching for me from around a corner. or is that the doctor.

the red of the vending machine is too bright. need to turn off the light. someone make the squeaking stop. rubber on linoleum. metal on metal. doors clicking open. slamming closed. monitors beeping. steady beep beep. turning our hearts into nothing but lines on a screen. someone talking. to me. to her. to someone. life is meaningless. it comes down to one moment. the green lines on the machine. you can take my heart. i don't need it anymore. not without you.

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so here i am again. staring around this room. everything's changed. it's not so full anymore. like my heart. i'm redecorating. you might like this color. it's called hope. forgiveness. moving on. living. sometimes even learning to love again. i still get lonely without you. your laughter still haunts me. your eyes still follow me in my dreams. i try not to hold on too tightly. sometimes it works. sometimes it doesn't. sometimes i find myself crying over your grave. everything's changed. but i still miss you.

Deep in my heart

I hate words, they always fail me...and yet I struggle to make myself understood, to find the correct words to express how I feel. To make you understand. It's funny how when words are all you have, they become your best friend.

The shortest distance between two points is a straight line...but the shortest distance between two hearts is an undefined function...do the two endpoints realize that they are connected? Most likely not. Until you pencil in the line...trace it with a ruler...highlight it with red ink. Your ink has infected my heart...made it swell...made it brighter...filled in the cracks. You traced numbers in my skin and left me with nothing but your smell.

Always just out of reach...you infect my very soul.