The stark white walls of my mind

so i'm staring around the room and it's full of people. you're here somewhere. i'm sure of it. you have to be. my heart wouldn't lie to me...would it? trying to walk through life but no one moves out of the way. guess this is what invisible feels like. the air so thick. laughter travels slowly across the street. thought i heard your voice. thought i smelled you. thought your heart was calling to me. i see your hand. reaching for me from around a corner. or is that the doctor.

the red of the vending machine is too bright. need to turn off the light. someone make the squeaking stop. rubber on linoleum. metal on metal. doors clicking open. slamming closed. monitors beeping. steady beep beep. turning our hearts into nothing but lines on a screen. someone talking. to me. to her. to someone. life is meaningless. it comes down to one moment. the green lines on the machine. you can take my heart. i don't need it anymore. not without you.

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so here i am again. staring around this room. everything's changed. it's not so full anymore. like my heart. i'm redecorating. you might like this color. it's called hope. forgiveness. moving on. living. sometimes even learning to love again. i still get lonely without you. your laughter still haunts me. your eyes still follow me in my dreams. i try not to hold on too tightly. sometimes it works. sometimes it doesn't. sometimes i find myself crying over your grave. everything's changed. but i still miss you.