Apathetic much?

Just so you know, the last post wasn't anything other than me needing to let go of some stuff. This time of year is always bad for me, and it has been for a long time. I lost my best friend almost 11 years ago and the sadness always starts the last couple of days of December. I try not to dwell. I try to distract myself with other things. I try to ignore how I feel...just for a few days. It never works. I always end up crying into my pillow for hours for no apparent reason. I know why...I just don't like to talk about it. But that's why we have the internet right?

Having this screen in front of me allows me to spill my deepest darkest secrets without fear or worry, because frankly...no one reads this but me anyway. I can be anyone I want to and you'll never know. Just don't get me alone in a room, I might disappoint you. Blah blah blah, boo hoo. Yes I know I'm getting all weepy. So what. Trouble is, it gets worse as I get older. My hot flashes are getting harder to deal with. I'm having some really difficult times sleeping (thankfully the only thing I have to get up for is church on sundays - not looking forward to classes starting again...I wonder if that will help me get back on my proper schedule?).

Maybe I shouldn't worry. Maybe I should just let everything be. There's some lyrics of a song that Bob sent me a long time ago. "Worrying is about as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum."



Here's the Yoda version of it...just cause I'm a nerd like that



I did go to bed by 9ish last night...and then woke up at 1:30am *sigh*. I ate a little, played some Star Wars, watched a comedy special with Robin Williams...he's not as funny as he used to be. It just seems like his humor has gone down the toilet...or maybe I'm not used to seeing him do stand up and he's always been like that? Not that I have any problem with toilet humor, he just doesn't do it well.

I'm supposed to go grocery shopping with Victoria tomorrow....I don't really see myself getting up at any kind of decent hour to do that actually. Thankfully I bought some micro meals for the leech to warm up so I don't have to cook. Which really is kinda sad because I pulled out some ground turkey the other day to make some tacos and I've really been looking forward to it.

I really need to work on the whole 'letting go' thing.