[name of friend]: I've never been one who is able to "choose" my feelings either. I can go through the motions, but what's in my heart is independent of my input. It does what it damn well pleases. [Miss Kit'n]: How can you 'play house' with someone when you know you're in love with another?? [name of friend]: I don't think love ever really goes away.
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Dear Miss Kit'n,
I don't see a contradiction in loving more than one person. I also know "love isn't enough"... relationships also have to work on practical levels, sexual levels, etc. So even though you love someone, doesn't mean the relationship will work. And just because you love someone, doesn't mean you can't love someone else.
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Dear [name of friend]
I'm apologizing right now for any way that I may come off pissy or snippy towards you. I'm not trying to I promise. I'm just really pissed off at him right now and unfortunately that's probably going to carry over into my conversations on this topic.
I understand that you can love someone and have that relationship not work out for whatever reason and then moving on and loving someone else. This is not what I'm talking about.
He left me for some hooker he met at a bus stop simply because she was there and had a viable uterus. And yet he tells me that he's having a hard time dealing with our breakup (which he caused) because his feelings haven't gone away. He chose to set them aside and pursue something else but they're still there on some level.
Now this pisses me off because it's not like I had any decision in the matter. He perceived problems in our relationship that weren't there and instead of giving us a chance to work on it, decided to end it and hop into bed with this hooker. And yet, he's the one still having problems dealing with this. I feel like god damnit, if I can continue to move on every day then there's no damned way he should be having any problems at all and if he is then he deserves it because he fucked up a good thing.
Will I love someone else in the future. Possibly, but I'm not putting my heart out there like that again. Will I always love him. Yes. In fact, he'll probably always be my one weakness. But I'm not going to let him or anyone else make me feel so utterly unimportant and insignificant again.
sorry for the rant :/
[Miss Kit'n]
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Note to the one person who actually reads this blog (me):
- No I don't actually believe his new girlfriend is a hooker that he met at the bus stop but that is how I will refer to her
- I really want to just punch him in the face right now
- I hope he's miserable without me
- I hope he regrets his decision
- I will never let him affect me like that again
- any subsequent relationship he and I may or may not have will be on MY terms and not his.
- I hope he knows that he's settled for less than what he could have had with me.
- I still wish him the best in everything he does
- I hope he comes to a point in life that he's truly happy
- I feel sorry for him and his inability to fight for what he wants
- I'd still take him back after all of this...but as stated in #6, only on my own terms.
- Where the hell does he get off feeling bad about any of this? I'm the one who had my heart ripped out and stomped on and torn apart but he still can't get over it? He has no right to still feel bad about this.
...and yet after all of this, I still would take him into my arms and forgive him and love him...
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