Moving on.

Today marks a week since he said goodbye...and yet I feel oddly at peace. I've met new friends, a couple that are just amazing and have so much love to share that they are willing to bring another person into their relationship...a minister who gives sermons at a progressive church and is open minded enough to believe that hey, I'm not necessarily going to hell just because I don't believe that the Christian God is the almighty....and a man from a social networking/dating site that gives amazing conversation and respects the fact that I am only recently single and healing and not looking for any type of relationship other than friends...not once has he been anything but fun and friendly and yet, I know he's happy to wait to see if we have chemistry until and if I'm ever ready for that.

I've picked up my copy of the Tao again. Here's a piece from chapter 29:

Sometimes you lead
Sometimes you follow
Sometimes you are stifled
Sometimes you breathe easy
Sometimes you are strong
Sometimes you are weak
Sometimes you destroy
And sometimes you are destroyed.

This really speaks to me right now. I love him deeply. I always will. I hope that he doesn't beat himself up over his decision. He did what he thought was best for him and how can I fault that? I just need to take this experience and see what kind of person I become when I emerge fully from it. I'm cautiously excited.

My counselor tells me I should look into meditation to help me get over my control issues. I always have to know what's going on. I have a hard time being ok when I can't see the big picture. I've been feeling complacent and lost a bit myself lately...like I'm wandering around in nothingness but that if I can just go a little bit further in I can get past the nothingness and see what's really there, except there's a tether that's keeping me from going any further. It feels almost like a safety net and yet I also feel a little aggravated by it. Slowly I'm going to figure this out. Right now I'm just living in the here and now. Wishing and praying that my loved ones find happiness and serenity in their lives.

I'm able to listen to music without thinking of him and crying. This is a big step for me...oh how I've missed my music.

Thoughts are jumbled but they flow as they're meant to.