*smiles*

Today has been a good day. I got some studying done. I worked on something I'm not supposed to talk about so pretend I just didn't say that. I spent some wonderful and surprising time with Bob the Bird. My son ate all his dinner. I finished the tray of baklava that I bought the other day so it can't tempt me anymore!

It's late and I should get some sleep...heck, I can't even type correctly right now lol :/

I just wanted to say that...well I know I'm terribly oblivious to everything and I'm sorry. I try not to be but it's so easy to get lost in my own little world. I have a few friends that I come out for but ... if I ask you if you're ok and you tell me yes ... please don't be mad when I believe you. I trust that you'll always be honest with me and that you'll tell me if you need me. Granted, I kinda fail sometimes at the whole noticing the obvious thing (see beginning of paragraph) but please be patient. I'm still trying to figure out who I am....and that requires stepping outside of my bubble. Which is not something that's easy for me to do.

I'm struggling to find my place in this world. I mean, I know I'm walking the correct path and I'm definitely enjoying the journey to whatever destination I may be headed towards but...well I'm trying to figure out what the scenery looks like and if I like it or not. It's kinda like someone who is one way their whole life only to find out they had a brain tumor. When it gets removed they don't think anything will change until they start back into their old habits like, eating fries with ketchup. That's when they realize, they don't really like ketchup on their fries, they like mustard.

I feel like I've gone through a significant portion of my life blind to who I am. Living and acting according to the way other people believed me to be and not even really realizing it. So this is me trying to figure 'me' out.

I've come to realize that I enjoy having a higher power that I recognize. I feel so much better now, being able to give him/her/it a name...the 'Cosmic Christ' if you will. I enjoy going to church and look forward to being able to be more active in it. I feel like I've missed out on so much by not having gone to church before. I also know that my friends who knew me before I started going to church are standing there scratching their heads and going "what in the world is she on?" But it's ok.

I'm a fish in the water, flowing with tides of life, struggling against the cross currents that try to get me off track. I know that the more currents that cross me, the stronger my muscles become from overcoming them, so that each subsequent current is just that much easier to swim through. One day I'll be doing flips over those currents before they even get close. Look ma'...no hands!