Worst. Birthday. Ever.

Slightly over-dramatic I admit, but it's definitely one of the top 5.  Which really makes me sad.

I made plans.  I thought they would be fun.  Dinner with friends and then roller skating.  I can't skate...it's been years but that wasn't the point.  The point was to go out and have fun and spend time with friends.

Dinner was pleasant.  Eight friends showed up and we enjoyed dinner.  Yet...I still felt isolated.  Perhaps it was the fact that we weren't all at one table and separate ones (even though they were close together).  I still felt like I always do...an observer on the outside looking in.  While we were there, I had 4 friends text and say they couldn't come because of one reason or another.

After dinner, the leech and I went and picked up some groceries.  When we came home we saw that V had come home early from work which made me happy because that meant she could go skating with me....but she said she doesn't skate so she wouldn't go.

Okay, I know that she and I agreed to go to lunch tomorrow but I couldn't help but feel extremely let down and hurt.  It's not just her, it's every other person who was invited but didn't go because they "don't skate".  Forgive me for thinking that this party was about me and not you.  It made me cry.  Why the fuck am I crying on my birthday?

I wanted to hide in my room but the leech and I went skating anyway because that's what I wanted to do and there might have been someone who decided to show up....I should have stayed home.  Not only didn't anyone show up but the leech fell twice and hurt his butt and even though he can't skate a lick and was hurting himself he didn't want to quit because he didn't want to ruin my birthday.  I told him it was okay because I couldn't have fun if he wasn't enjoying him self.  He cried because he thought he'd ruined my birthday.  It made me cry.  My son was the only one who understood the importance of my birthday to me.

We went to McDonald's and got sundae's, rented a movie, and are watching it in my room right now.

I hate holidays.  They're not important.  Valentine's Day, Christmas, New Year's, Halloween...they're all just another day to me.  Birthdays are the most important days to me.  They celebrate the miracle of life.  I might be complacent about a lot of things, but damnit I enjoy birthdays.  Or at least I should.  Not so much today.

I felt insignificant and unappreciated.  I plan on spending the rest of the weekend with my phone off and hiding in my room.  I don't even want to go to lunch with anyone.