Pocket full of happiness

 Yup, I have it.  I'm currently in Denmark if you didn't know.  I love it.  The architecture is so simple and amazing in its simplicity.  The people are so easy going and nice...and my friends...are the best.  I'm so glad I was able to do this trip - even though the sex museum was closed lol.

Viktoria, is so full of vitality and fun.  Vincent is so proper at first glance but is such a wonderful guy.  Robert is..everything I've come to know the last 5 years of knowing him.  I feel so comfortable here with them.  There hasn't been the slightest bit of awkwardness or uncomfortableness that I've known before from meeting people that I've met online.  I think it's because I've known them for so long online.  Regardless, these are three friends that will always have a special place in my heart...no matter where life takes us.

There is a bit of ... confusion ... I think, going on inside of me though.  I didn't come here with any expectations of my relationship with Robert other than being wonderful friends...but there have been a couple of moments when he and I have been alone, just talking, and I'll catch myself wanting to kiss him.  It's a bit of a shock...not much, considering our history...but..I really thought I was over that part of it.  I've been able to catch that feeling and let it go though so there's no uncomfortableness or anything.  Plus, I'm not going to do anything about it.  I'm done being the one who makes the first move. 

Everyone is asleep and I'm not tired.  Of course, it's only 8:40pm in the states and in Denmark it's 2:40.  I should go to sleep soon.  Viktoria passed her sickness to Robert and I ... and I'm going to need all the rest I can get to fight it off.  Tomorrow will be nice, we're just going to hang around the house until we take Viktoria to the train station and then go visit 3 more friends that I've met online.  I'm a little nervous about this meeting because while I met them years ago, around the same time I met Robert, I don't really know them.  We'll see.  If it gets weird I've got Vincent to talk to lol.

Think I'm gonna go surf the interwebs for awhile before I fall asleep.  Hope everyone is having a great week.  I'll be home the evening of the 13th.  Try not to miss me.

It's 2010

Last year went really good. It started out good and it built up steamy goodness until the middle of November when my world just came crashing down around me when he said goodbye. From then on it's been a daily struggle to just make it through to the next day. I think I've managed it pretty well actually.

I'm sitting here, on the first day of the new year, with an odd calm around me. I just got done telling someone that he shouldn't settle for me just because he's lonely. How I feel about him is neither here nor there. I refuse to put my heart in the care of someone unless I'm certain that he's willing to take care of it .. and is ok with the baggage I'm bringing. Thanks to my ex, I now worry about my significant other being faithful and if I'll ever be enough for someone and lots of other random things that no man should have to deal with unless they are the cause of it. It's not fair to anyone.

So while I'm healing my heart and my soul I hope that eventually there is someone out there who wants me for who I am and will let me love them in the special way that I do. Wholly and without reservations. Someone who will help heal my trust issues with patience and understanding. Someone who actually deserves me.

One day...I'm hopeful. But for now, I'll just count my blessings, be thankful for my friends, and work on fixing myself.

<3

Is there more?

I keep coming back to my blog to try and write something more...but I keep seeing my last post and nothing seems pertinant anymore.  That's really kinda sad, and it bothers me.

I'm planning a trip to NY this summer.  I'd love to get a bunch of my online and RL friends together for a weekend or so.  I'm even hoping that some of my overseas friends will be able to make it.  Gosh that would be the best weekend ever!

I need to go work out and then get some sleep...showed the girls the joy of google tonight *giggle*

EDIT:  I have no qualms about putting that link in my blog because no one reads it besides me and I'm well over the age of 18 and don't mind adult material...however, if in the future someone actually starts to read my stuff and they're not at least 18 or are offended by adult material....DON'T CLICK THE LINK!  - You've been warned...now quit whining!