I wonder

I should be studying for my Differential Equations quiz in 2 hours. I will...I just need to get this out.

This morning as I was leaving for class I looked down at my task bar and saw that Eric had logged out of Yahoo. My heart momentarily stopped and I was filled with conflicting emotions. First of all, that I had logged onto Yahoo and not noticed he was on is a huge deal. I can remember the days when that was the first thing I looked for and how disappointed I would be if he wasn't there. Secondly, I was a little upset and hurt that he saw me log on but didn't say anything.

So I spent the whole day with him on my mind. Not something I wanted to do, I promise. A part of me wanted to rush home and wait and see if he'd log back on like I used to do. The new me recognized these feelings and let them go. I'm not waiting around for anyone anymore. Especially someone who has made it very clear that they don't want to be with me.

This is me living my life and not desperately chasing after someone who may or may not want to talk to me. If you want me, you've got to come get me damnit.

Now I'm off to study.

Where you are is just where you're supposed to be...I promise.

Today's sermon was special to me because John talked about helping others who had less than you. It's, of course, right in the holiday spirit..but it's not just about that one moment of the year. It's about taking care of each other throughout the entire year. I also think I've decided where I want to start my activism...now if only I can get John to tell me who I need to talk to about it lol.

I also found a new favorite singer, Susan Werner thanks to John. He's got a song of her's on his blog with today's sermon. Love it.

Other than that, what's been going on? I've been avoiding the unavoidable. Finals are tomorrow and what have I been doing all weekend? Everything but study *sigh*. I'm terrible about this. I'll just wait till tomorrow and cram it all in. That always works right? No...but I still haven't learned yet. Oh well, for better or worse, the majority of it will be over tomorrow. Then I just have to spend Tuesday finishing up my take-home. Oh, and I'm wearing my pj's to my final tomorrow at 8am ... ugh!

I really felt the need to write something...well...more, I guess. More inspirational. More deep. More thought provoking. But I'm failing at that as well. So I s'pose I'll go tweeze my other eyebrow, watch a show on Hulu, and hopefully get to sleep early enough that I can wake up around 6 and eat breakfast/cram a little before the final.

I do hope everyone's had a good weekend.

It burns...

My eyes are burning and I have no idea what I'm doing up at this hour... I lied, I know why. It's because it's Friday and I didn't have anything scheduled to do tonight and I felt lost. So instead of cracking open a book to study for midterms next week, I've decided to seer my eyeballs to the screen of my laptop.

I actually had every intention of sloughing off completely and playing a little bit of SWG but that didn't work out the way I planned. I ended up doing work for the group.... and yet I'm sure I missed something...I need to get my notepad out and start writing things down again. Just having my calendar online isn't enough apparently. I wish it were more portable.

I love my fabulous Wolverine doll....but...he smells funny. Like a combination of funny weed, alcohol, cigarettes, half dried blood, and ass. I guess that's a work hazard. He's an amazing person. I love him to pieces. God love Otaku for dating him.

I've been thinking in numbers lately....and random vocabulary words, like ahimsa and moksa (sp?) and puja. Wondering if Dr. F. will ever get tired of all the disrespect those kids give him and tell them to shut the f up....or will I snap first? My heart goes out to him. He's an awesome teacher, but these kids have no respect anymore...

I'm definately not taking BIO with the same teacher next semester. This guy is quite off his rocker if I may be so bold. He makes my skin crawl....aside from that, he's a pretty decent teacher...God love my drag queen for giving me his notes - and desktop photos and other random things I spy on his computer lol.

Anatomy...I'd be insane to take it again next semester with the same teacher....but once you have one teacher you get used to them....but dangit he's got so much we have to know...and it's all over the place!

I miss my girls...they got to go to pidgeon forge without me. I hate being broke.

I hate that my mother is in a completely different state, living in her car, no job, no home, no money and I don't have any money to be able to help her.