Please take the cow out of my milk

Oh yes you heard me.  I'm starting to eliminate dairy from my diet for health reasons.  It's going pretty good I think.  My biggest concern wasn't that I couldn't physically do it, it was that I was afraid I'd hate everything that was a dairy replacement.  I have to say, I used soy yogurt, rice cheese, and a non-dairy sour cream all in the same meal and it was absolutely delicious!

I'm actually looking forward to seeing how close I can follow my new food preference tomorrow. It's going to be a little difficult because I'm on campus all day tomorrow but I'm leaving my debit card at home (my bank account is already cheering) and I've already packed my lunch (over stuffed the bag as usual!) so I should be okay.

I'm exhausted though so I think I'll go to bed early.

While we're on the subject...

I'm really glad that you're happy with him...I really am....but I'm starting to feel like you don't give a shit about me anymore.  It seems like every time I try to spend time with you I get brushed off.  On the off chance that we do do something together I don't feel like you're all there with me and you always put a time limit on it because you have to get back to him.    I shouldn't have to adjust my schedule around your boyfriend and I really don't appreciate it anymore.

I miss my friend.

Worst. Birthday. Ever.

Slightly over-dramatic I admit, but it's definitely one of the top 5.  Which really makes me sad.

I made plans.  I thought they would be fun.  Dinner with friends and then roller skating.  I can't skate...it's been years but that wasn't the point.  The point was to go out and have fun and spend time with friends.

Dinner was pleasant.  Eight friends showed up and we enjoyed dinner.  Yet...I still felt isolated.  Perhaps it was the fact that we weren't all at one table and separate ones (even though they were close together).  I still felt like I always do...an observer on the outside looking in.  While we were there, I had 4 friends text and say they couldn't come because of one reason or another.

After dinner, the leech and I went and picked up some groceries.  When we came home we saw that V had come home early from work which made me happy because that meant she could go skating with me....but she said she doesn't skate so she wouldn't go.

Okay, I know that she and I agreed to go to lunch tomorrow but I couldn't help but feel extremely let down and hurt.  It's not just her, it's every other person who was invited but didn't go because they "don't skate".  Forgive me for thinking that this party was about me and not you.  It made me cry.  Why the fuck am I crying on my birthday?

I wanted to hide in my room but the leech and I went skating anyway because that's what I wanted to do and there might have been someone who decided to show up....I should have stayed home.  Not only didn't anyone show up but the leech fell twice and hurt his butt and even though he can't skate a lick and was hurting himself he didn't want to quit because he didn't want to ruin my birthday.  I told him it was okay because I couldn't have fun if he wasn't enjoying him self.  He cried because he thought he'd ruined my birthday.  It made me cry.  My son was the only one who understood the importance of my birthday to me.

We went to McDonald's and got sundae's, rented a movie, and are watching it in my room right now.

I hate holidays.  They're not important.  Valentine's Day, Christmas, New Year's, Halloween...they're all just another day to me.  Birthdays are the most important days to me.  They celebrate the miracle of life.  I might be complacent about a lot of things, but damnit I enjoy birthdays.  Or at least I should.  Not so much today.

I felt insignificant and unappreciated.  I plan on spending the rest of the weekend with my phone off and hiding in my room.  I don't even want to go to lunch with anyone.

Reflections of the last 35 years

So in 9 days I'll officially be halfway to 70 and I figured that I'd leave some sage advice for my younger friends.

• You remember that movie, He's Just Not That Into You?  While it was a wonderfully cute, feel-good movie , the message is still there and for God's sake, listen!
• "So trust me when I say if a guy is treating you like he doesn't give a shit, he genuinely doesn't give a shit. No exceptions."
• "If a guy wants to be with a girl, he will make it happen, no matter what."

• Stop whining about how you can never meet the right person.  You attract what you believe yourself to be.  If you have low self-esteem, you're going to attract people who take advantage of that.  I don't care how nice of a guy you are, if you don't believe that you deserve the love of a good woman, all you're going to attract are mental cases and you're going to end up alone.

• We're all users. Every relationship is based on how much we use the other person.  In healthy relationships the is an equal amount of give and take.  All parties are in agreement in what they allow the other person to use them for.  Case in point:
• Husband and Stay-At-Home-Mom.  Wife uses husband for security in the form of money, shelter, insurance, etc..  Husband uses wife to keep house clean, look after kids, socialization with the neighbors that he may not normally be able to do, a pretty face on his arm at the bosses dinner.  They both use each other for sex and emotional comforting.

• Life is a hard uphill ride with lots of rocks and other varying degrees of obstacles.  You can either sit it out and bitch about how you can't get around that particular bullshit in your path at the moment or you can stfu and get over it.  Realize that you're not the only one who suffers.  And hey, guess what?  Your shit isn't near as bad as the person next to you and I guarantee that they bear their burdens quietly.

• You can't fix stupid.  I've tried.  Don't bother.  Just ignore it.

• It doesn't matter if God exists or not.  No one can prove or disprove it.  Oh sure, they can "kind of" prove or disprove it, but there's nothing out there 100% saying there is or isn't a God.  I mean, short of God him(her)self coming down and calling us all imbeciles for doubting, I doubt we can ever really know the truth of God's existence.  That's the point though.  Faith isn't about proof...it's about believing in the possibility of something.  If you take away someone's faith, you take away their hope and without hope we're nothing but empty shells walking around polluting the Earth.

• It takes an enormous amount of courage to get out of bed every day to face the unknown.  Sure there might be things in your life that are 'normal' and happen every day.  Like kissing your kids good morning or having your morning coffee with your significant other, or even that fight with your husband because yet again he left the toilet seat up last night and when you got up in the middle of the night to pee, you sat down on the toilet without checking.  Ignoring the things that you know will happen...what if today is the day that you find out you have cancer?  What if today your child falls out of the tree and breaks a bone?  What if today you find out that your wife of the last 25 years, whom you love more than life itself, was cheating on you....and gave you H.I.V.?  What if today you lose your job?  What if today is the day you get addicted to cocaine?  What if...God forbid...today is the day you fall in love?

• Self-help books are great...but they only tell you what you already know.  Use common sense.  Listen to your parents.  Have faith in yourself.  Trust in your body.  Surround yourself with people who truly love and respect you.

• I don't care what you've been told...there are ugly babies.  

• Don't lie.  It makes you ugly, it hurts people, and it's a complete waste of time.  Along these same lines, don't steal.  You don't need anything you can't get on your own.  If there is, by some chance, something you need that you can't get ... ask for it.  We're so afraid of rejection that we'd rather be seen as thieves and liars instead of an honest people who just need a bit of help.

• Stop dwelling on things.  It won't do anything but give you an ulcer and prevent you from living your life.  Quite frankly, it might also be the reason you're alone.  

• Practice good personal hygiene.  I promise, no one wants to smell your halitosis breath. If you're going to be giving hugs to short people.  Please don't stick their face in your armpits, even if you use deodorant (but please still use deodorant!!!).

• Get your priorities straight.  Nothing in life...I mean nothing...is more important than family.  Not your job, not your education, not the computer, not video games, not your high-tech cell phone.  Nothing.  

• Get over the stupid shit.  God don't like ugly.

• Mental Illness is not something that people choose to have.  It can be debilitating not only to the person who has it but also to their family and friends.  It's not contagious so stop being an ass about it.

• Being gay isn't contagious either.  Just because someone is gay doesn't mean they want to have sex with you...nor does it make them a pedophile.  Stop being an ass.

• Being an ass is contagious.  So stop.

• Sex is natural and healthy and fun.  Oh Lord, yes...sex is fun.  It's also nothing like you see on T.V. or in pornos (trust me, I've seen a lot).  It's loud and messy and can even be uncomfortable depending on where you're at or what position you're currently in.  Your legs and arms get tired.  You sweat.  Your body makes noises that you would normally be really embarrassed about.  Contrary to popular belief, you don't have to have a marathon session.  10-20 minutes is good.  Having sex for more than 20 minutes is like running a marathon...with leg weights...and an ax murderer chasing after you.  It's just not natural!

• There is a difference between making love, having sex, and fucking and you can do all three in the same session.  They're all healthy and normal and doing one more than the others is fine...as long as all parties agree.

• Be happy with who you are.  Experiment.  Live.  Love.  Laugh.  Learn from your mistakes.  Grow.

• Use your words.  Communication is one of the most valuable tools in this life.  Figure out how to do it properly.

• The most precious gift you can give to someone is your time.

• You don't get to choose who you love, or how many you love.  Just be grateful for being able to feel it.

• The holy trinity of healthy relationships:  Trust, Honesty, Respect.

• Our kids are smarter than we give them credit for.  We should stop talking at them and start listening to them.

One more thing....

Suck it.

DINKLEBURG!!!!

Apparently we're blaming all of our troubles on him for the next week or so.  For example:  "I have a test in 45 minutes and instead of studying I'm surfing the interwebs....DINKLEBURG!!!!"

Other than that, there's been a lot going on.  I feel, once again, that I have to step up and do other people's jobs and I hate it.  I know there are other people who could be doing this...like the person who's job it is to do it.  I'm not going to go on more about it right now...what I keep reminding myself is that I only have 2.5 more months before I graduate (dear Lord, is it really that short amount of time!?  This is the first time I actually counted the months *sweat*) and then I'll (hopefully) be a grad student and alumni and won't have all these responsibilities on my shoulders...they'll belong to someone else...right?

And now I have 15 minutes before my exam...where did the time go???  Ugh, time to leave you.

The Law of 3

No, I don't mean Karma.

I'm talking about my secret obsession when it comes to public bathroom stalls.  I always go to the 3rd stall.  If that one's occupied, or just nasty I keep moving, but always in multiples of three.  If there isn't a larger multiple of three besides the first one, I can only use the odd numbered one....but never the first one.